It’s not always easy to know when you’ve met your soulmate. If you’re single, chances are high that at some point in time you’ve either thought or been told that you should be looking for a partner.
It can feel like an impossible task, and it often seems as if the right person is hiding behind every corner.
But what if there was a way to know? What if we could see our future spouse before we even meet them?
A lot of people seem to think so. On a recent Reddit thread, one user even said they “have a feeling” their soulmate is going to be the next person they meet.
Social media seems to have played a big role in reinforcing the idea that we’re all destined for someone specific. Reality TV shows like Married At First Sight are based on the premise that it is possible to find a partner you are emotionally compatible with after seeing them for the first time, at their wedding.
Is this trend only taking place because it’s what people want to hear? Or is there any truth behind it?
For many, social media has become a surrogate for relationship-building. It has become a way of testing the waters, without stepping on people’s toes. It has also become a place where we can see what kind of person someone is before we meet them IRL (in real life).
For instance, Tinder allows us to swipe right or left depending on whether you like the look of someone. This is not dissimilar from physically looking at someone during a night out and thinking “do I like them?”
But is it possible that our future spouse might be in our social network? Do we have a Facebook friend or Twitter follower who could one day become the love of our life?
One Reddit user says yes. On a recent thread, he claimed he knew his soulmate was going to be the next person he met.
However, this isn’t always possible. In some cases it can be tricky to tell whether your current partner could one day become your soulmate – especially if you’re just getting to know each other.
Soulmates are often talked about as being magical and mystical things,” she adds. “As a result, we assume there is a feeling of authenticity and genuineness.”
However, Dr Blumer says that “feeling like your partner ‘gets’ you, and vice versa, can be a sign of connection.”
See How Close Are You To Your Soulmate ( Soulmate Drawing)
“To me, this is the best indicator that your partner could become your soulmate,” she concludes.
But sometimes people might mistake lust for love. And new relationships are often characterised by heightened levels of dopamine – otherwise known as “the love drug”. It’s possible to feel like you’ve met your soulmate simply because they make you feel really good.
“However, you want to look at how long it takes for that initial excitement phase to subside.”
If it takes days, weeks or months for this initial feeling to fade, then you might have found your soulmate. However, if the feelings wear off after just a few days – or even hours – then they are probably not your soulmate.
Not everyone believes that it’s possible to know who your soulmate is before you meet them.
For instance, Dr Nancy Kalish says that our romantic interests are usually guided by our social networks.
“Generally, we fall in love with someone within our own age and cultural group,” she explains. “This is why people tend to marry people who live near them.”
Some soulmate believers believe that you can’t know if someone is your other half before you meet them IRL. After all, you never know who you’ll meet when you leave the house.
However, she also says that “having a connection with someone on an intellectual and spiritual level” can be important too. But this isn’t something you can know before you meet them.
“No one can predict if they will fall in love with someone else – it’s a feeling that comes naturally when you meet the right person,” she explains.
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But this is not an issue that most people need to worry about, says Dr Kalish. After all, romantic relationships are only part of what makes us happy.
“You can experience a wonderful, loving and intimate relationship without ever finding your ‘soulmate’,” she explains.
“I say this because we have choices in life – and there is no one who knows which path we will take.”
He told the story of how he met his fiancee briefly before proposing to her at the end of the show. He said he knew within 30 seconds that she was his soulmate .
“Some people call it love at first sight, but I think it’s just your brain putting everything together,” he noted. “Your eyes say one thing, your body language another, and yet there seems to be a brain algorithm that solves all of this at once.”
He says this is why people fall in love more than once. He said the feeling of falling for someone else feels like “rediscovering” something “new” but also “familiar”.
Before proposing to his fiancee, he told her: “I’m so glad I didn’t meet you 20 years ago because we wouldn’t be here.”
He then got down on one knee and proposed to her. After she said yes, he popped the question: “Would you like to spend forever with me?”
Both Freud and Jung believed that there was ultimately just one other half out there for us.
However, the popular perspective today is that you can have more than one soulmate in your lifetime. But this isn’t necessarily a new idea either, with some historical figures believing the same thing.
John Donne , the famous English poet born in 1572, believed that everyone had four “other halves”. By looking at his work, people can see that he divided the world into four elements: air, fire, water and earth.
He believed that each of these had a matching half – humanity was thus made up of eight separate people.
John Donne’s idea came from Chinese philosophy , which divides the world into five elements: wood, fire, earth, metal and water.
This is just one of five theories about the number of soulmates you’re destined to meet in your lifetime.
Other theories include meeting seven other people, 12 other people, 52 other people or 7 billion others (the latter theory has not been proven true or false).
Most psychoanalysts today do believe that there’s only one other half out there for us – but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep looking, just in case.
“People often form relationships with people who are like their opposite-sex parent,” explains Dr Kalish. “When this happens, they tend to choose an opposite-sex partner who seems ‘right’, but not necessarily right for them.”
She adds that this can lead to seeking out another relationship.
“I have seen many happy ending love stories unfold – couples who meet later in life, well into their careers and adult lives, and discover they are soulmates after all.”
While it’s unlikely that the man who appeared on The Jeremy Kyle Show this week has found his “soulmate”, there is still hope for everyone.
After all, it’s not really about finding just one other half out there – but about meeting someone who makes you happy.