When it comes to your ex, sometimes the answer is yes. Even after marriage, you can’t always forget about them or stop thinking about them.
Sometimes they are still there in the back of our minds, but other times it’s because we don’t want to let go and move on with life.
That being said, it’s also normal to think about them sometimes. They may only pop into your mind once in a while because something reminds you of them. As long as you don’t allow this to become obsessive or interfere with your new relationship, then there is nothing to worry about.
If you find that their memory is constantly on your mind, try to pinpoint why this is. For example, did you have a lot of good times together? Or were they the ones who ended things and now you can’t stop wondering why?
If it’s the latter case and you’re dying to know what happened then there is probably no harm in sending them a gentle email or message to ask. After all, it’s not healthy for you to carry this concern around with you for too long! You also don’t want to create any awkwardness in your new relationship by constantly bringing up your ex.
No matter what the original reason is behind why you’re thinking of them so much, there are a few things you can do to prevent this from happening.
For example, instead of dwelling on the past, try to focus on your future and be grateful for what you have now. Rather than keeping a photo of your old flame around because it makes you feel close to them, get rid of it and keep only photos that you love.
In addition, you can look for new hobbies and think of ways to occupy the time that you might have been spending thinking about your ex. Make a promise to yourself that you won’t let their memory ruin your happiness with your new hubby!
Here are some tips for when your ex pops up in your head after marriage that may help remind you that he or she doesn’t have any hold over you anymore.
1. Remind yourself that you’re with someone better now.
Every time your ex comes into your mind, remind yourself that you are in a happy marriage with someone better than them. All of the memories you had together just mean that you were lucky enough to have them at one point in your life and perhaps they were the best you ever had. If they were, then that’s great. You wouldn’t trade that for the world, but just because it ended doesn’t mean your life is over.
You also need to remember that those memories should make you smile and be grateful for what you have now. You can learn from those mistakes and be even happier with your spouse.
2. Think about how your life would be if you were still with them.
If you’re thinking this, then it is most likely because you think that they are better than their spouse or you regret breaking up with him or her. When you start thinking of all the good times and what could have been, remind yourself that you did the right thing. If you would be happy still being with your ex, then there’s a good chance that things wouldn’t have ended well and you didn’t want to hurt their feelings after breaking up.
The last thing you’d want is to be stuck in a bad marriage for years to come, so don’t do that to yourself. Even though it’s hard, you have to remember why you’re in your happy marriage with someone better than them.
3. Don’t let them make you feel bad for moving on.
You are taking the steps to be a better version of yourself and let’s face it, they probably did some things that weren’t the best. Maybe they made a lot of mistakes, and you’re hoping to not make them with your spouse.
This is a win for you because in the end, you’ll hopefully have someone better than your ex who will love you just as much. And if your ex ever tries bringing up their past, remind them that you don’t care about it and they need to let go of the past.
4. Don’t fight with them if you run into them.
If you are running into your ex all the time, maybe even through social media, then don’t even respond back when they say something mean or snarky. You can’t go back in time to stop them from saying something, so just ignore it. Even if they are being rude or bringing up something that is hurting you, don’t respond with the same type of comments.
It’s okay to tell your spouse when these things happen because you can handle it on your own when someone pushes your buttons. But if you try and fight back with them, then you’ll be right back where you started.
5. Be around the people who make you happy.
If your ex is still bringing up this deep sadness in your heart, then you need to figure out why. It could be because they’re not over their ex or that they still love them and it’s driving you crazy. Sometimes we compare ourselves to our exes and that can also make us feel down in the dumps too.
If this sounds like you, then just get out of the house or do something nice for yourself to try and get your mind off of them. Go see a movie you’ve always wanted to see or spend time with your friends. Or, if it’s nice outside, go for a walk and clear your mind of any negative thoughts. Try not to think about the past too much because that won’t do you any good. You can only move on when you’re ready, but sometimes you need help doing that.